*aborted suicidal pervert voice* id kill myself for you……. if i existed

*aborted suicidal pervert voice* id kill myself for you……. if i existed
its so awesome that you can straight up write fanfiction in your head to help yourself fall asleep and it doesnt even have to be good or something anyone would ever want to read. even yourself
hating is fun but sometimes you see someone only ever be a hater and never a lover and it’s like. ok well do you like anything at all or do you only see the world in shades of bad to worse
one thing i am quite grateful to Brian David Gilbert for is the phrase “If you needed ME to tell you that… I’m glad I told you that.”
it has been etched into my brain for the past six years, fundamentally altering how i consider knowledge gaps held by others, as well as myself. people usually need to be told stuff before they can know it! that’s how knowing stuff works! this is an extreme example played for laughs but it’s a legitimately helpful philosophy!!
“Cats don’t actually love you”
A cat is a small creature in the middle of the food chain that is fully aware that you are a very large thing that could stomp its head in at any moment and yet it chooses to rest its tiny little head on your leg for a nap and spreads out on the floor near you exposing its belly and its most sensitive organs. It brings dead mice and bugs to you to share food.
Don’t you get it? This tiny thing trusts you. It wants to help you too. It licks your leg thinking that it’s helping. It kneads on you to find comfort. It shares its body warmth with you in the cold and gives you your space in the heat. It hisses at other mammals it sees outside including other cats in an effort to protect its family.
Cats love you so so much. But they will keep trying to eat plastic.
had to make the inverse situation of this. lets give it up for time blindness yayyy
A spoon’s only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That’s why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there’s suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.
OP I want you to know I think of this post every single time I have to wash a spoon.